Loneliness

I like to be alone.

But not the in-public sort of alone

or the alone where you’re left out.

And I suppose you’re never alone in public,

with chattering crowds

and chirping birds on every corner,

and maybe even the brash honk of a car

every once in a while,

you can’t be alone.

But you are alone in the way none of that chattering is about you,

and the birds can’t possibly care what you’re doing

because they are too busy making a new nest,

and it’s nice that the honk isn’t for you,

but it means no one was thinking enough of you to honk.

and I suppose that’s a bit selfish,

but I don’t like that type of alone.

The being left out type of alone is even worse

because it’s in every type of loneliness,

even the good ones.

The silence might be nice for a while

but soon it hangs heavy

and no one can be silent for that long.

The being left out alone

feels like no one is around to care.

I hate that type of loneliness.

The alone I like is having no one to talk to

except for yourself,

and yourself is being kind to you for once.

The alone where you’re maybe left out,

but you want to be.

I like the alone where the silence doesn’t feel heavy

and it’s almost not there at all,

not because of people chittering

and cars honking in the background,

but because there is no noise

to make the silence uncomfortable.

I like the alone where I don’t have to think

or care about anyone else but me,

and I know that’s selfish and a bit contradictory,

but loneliness only really works when you only think of yourself.

And I think, now, when I’m afraid no one cares

and that I am in the in-public-left-out sort of alone,

that everyone else is in their nice alone,

-taking the time to think about themselves.

---

Hi everyone! This poem is one I wrote a few weeks ago when I was thinking about being lonely. More specifically, how much I hate being lonely. I am a very dependent person, so I'd much rather have at least one other person (someone who I know, preferably) in a room with me at a time. Yet, I'm not an extrovert. I love being alone but I don't like feeling lonely. I think a lot of people feel that way, but haven't made the distinction, and so when it connected in my head I decided to write a poem about it.

Thinking about loneliness again now, it's almost a taboo topic, and maybe that's not the right wording but for example, the idea of dying alone is such a scary thing. The thought of being alone at your worst is a scary thing. Most people don't want to talk about feeling lonely because it'll turn into a conversation about "oh you're alone all of the time, why is it an issue now?" That is why it's so important for people to realize the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Being alone is probably one of the best feelings in the world, it's the one time you can live as yourself without judgement. Feeling lonely is feeling isolated, empty, and afraid, which I don't think anybody likes to feel a combination of those three. Now, anything I forgot to say about loneliness and it's varying forms and complexities will be in the poem and I hope you make that distinction in your mind, or I at least hope this has opened your eyes in some way. Have a nice day or night and remember, something strange is better than anything bland.